“So many emotions. It brought tears to my eyes.”

That’s how Los Angeles Lakers superstar Luka Doncic described his return to Dallas, specifically his reaction to the tribute video his former team played before the game. Doncic, who was drafted by the Mavericks at the age of 18, was suddenly and shockingly traded to the Lakers earlier this season.

Although he’s played well for the Lakers, Doncic has repeatedly spoken of his struggles leaving the team, the fans, and the city he loved.

Somehow, Doncic was able to manage his emotions and put on a basketball masterclass, en route to a magnificent performance as he scored 45 points. (Doncic became only the second player in NBA history to score 45 points both for and against the same team in a single season.)

So, how did he do it?

In two interviews following the game, a visibly emotional Doncic, who has traditionally been guarded with the media, shared insight into his thoughts and feelings. Interestingly, he kept repeating the same three-word-phrase:

“Everybody had my back.”

“All my teammates had my back. They really supported me.”

“They all had my back. That’s what we talked about before the game and everybody had my back—from coaches to players.”

Did you catch the phrase? Doncic felt secure, in his words, because others “had my back.” This three-word-phrase highlights some key learnings in the study of emotional intelligence, specifically in how successful people build resilience. (Sign up here for my free email emotional intelligence course.)

Simply put, emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage emotions, to make emotions work for you, instead of against you. It includes qualities like resilience, which is your capacity to fight through challenging situations and bounce back from adversity.

It’s easy to see the value of resilience—it helps reduce the impact of negative experiences and gives you greater chances at short- and long-term success.

But people often ask me: How do you build resilience?

Here’s where that three-word-phrase comes in. By repeating over and over that others “had his back,” it shows that Doncic didn’t feel alone. It’s that sense of safety and security that allowed him to settle his emotions, be himself, and play his best.

In my decade-long study of successful professional athletes like Simone Biles and business leaders like Barbara Corcoran, this concept of having support from others shines through as a key resilience builder. For some, it’s their parents. For others, it’s their teammates, friends, or even a therapist.

Psychologist and author Rick Hanson speaks about this concept in his book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. In it, he highlights the value of what he terms a “refuge.”

“A refuge is anything that protects, nurtures, or uplifts you,” writes Hanson. “Life can be hard, and everyone has difficult, uncomfortable experiences. We all need refuges.”

Besides people, Hanson says a refuge can be a place (like a favorite coffee shop, library, or park), a thing (like a cup of coffee, a cozy sweater, a book), or even an activity (walking the dog or playing the guitar).

In one workshop where I teach people and teams how to build resilience, I compare refuges to a security blanket, the kind that give small children the confidence to be themselves and reach their full potential.

So, if you’re going through a difficult time, I encourage you to ask yourself:

• What are my security blankets—a person, place, thing, or activity that can help me get through this?
• How can I leverage my security blanket today—to help me fight through this challenge, bounce back, and be at my best?

And if you’re a leader, how can you help your people to be at their best? Remember Doncic said before last night’s game, his coaches and teammates reaffirmed their support for him, that they too “had his back.”

So, if you’re a leader and you have people who are struggling, resist the urge to tell them to just toughen up. Instead, ask yourself:

• How can we help and support this person?
• What specific things can we do to show them we’ve got their back?

Everyone goes through hard times, some harder than others. But when you know others have your back, those hard times go from devastating to bearable—even, inspiring. That’s the power of resilience and emotional intelligence, the ability to make emotions work for you, instead of against you.

The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

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